your thong is hanging out like whoa
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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