After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
