He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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