He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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