People in love make me want to vomit
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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