The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
