We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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