Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
