We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
