Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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