are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
