I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
