i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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