I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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