I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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