i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
