I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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