i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
