Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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