Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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