She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
