Yo dont text me then not text me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
