would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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