all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
