We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
