Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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