dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
