how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
