He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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