You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
