bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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