Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
accomplished twins. life is a go
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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