could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
