The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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