ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this just has baby written all over it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
