i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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