All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
