Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
