I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
