i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
