Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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