You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
