singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
