he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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