I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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