you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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