Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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