you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
