And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
