Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
