coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
