Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
