Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You have to summon your inner elephant
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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