? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
