If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
