i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
