I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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