try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
