i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
