we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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