Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
