Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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