At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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