She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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