Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
