So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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