I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
