we're chasing vodka with high fives
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
