Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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