this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
