She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize