1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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