turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize