I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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