i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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