hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need water and some morals
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize