Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
